School Tips

From the forthcoming ebook: Intercultural Guide for Immigrant Parents and Teens

Dear Tita Lutie,

Please tell my parents that I would rather have sandwiches for lunch – not rice and fish!  It’s embarrassing when I eat them in the cafeteria.  As a new student, I already get strange stares and now all the more when they see what I am eating. This makes me very uncomfortable. This has happened many times when this is the only food in the fridge that I can pack for my lunch.

Embarrassed Teen

Dear Embarrassed Teen,

I am sorry that you have limited food choices to pack your lunch bag. In due time, your parents will pick up what is “good” lunch.  Tell them this is becoming food pressures for you.  I hope that parents reading this will come to realize that some of their favorite foods “back home’ when packed for lunch at school can cause embarrassing moments for their children.

Tita Lutie

What happened here? As the saying goes, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”  We, newly arrived parents, who must start making a living right away, are not aware of the food pressures our kids face in school.  We are not there to see what they face when they open their lunch bag in front of classmates: noodles or rice and fish (especially if the fish still had eyes), etc. – this is the least of our worry. But this is our kids’ priority worry. Have a heart, folks!

A missed activity we don’t know that we must do with out children is giving them the experience of going to the pumpkin patch. This is a “gripe” of my kid because she does not have a childhood experience with her parents taking her there.

Filipino parents not raised in the USA, do not realize the significance of special outings to the pumpkin patch on days leading to Halloween, is one important holiday in the USA that we cannot afford to miss from celebrating as families. Children and some parents go around houses in the neighborhood to do “trick or treat” dressed as goblins, witches, princesses and other fairy tale characters on October 31st. The houses with lighted jack-o-lantern on their window sill would indicate you can knock on their doors and the occupants welcome you and are ready to give candies as you say, “trick or treat!”  So some families make it a tradition to let their children pick the pumpkin that will be carved into a jack-o-lantern. Children look forward to visit the pumpkin patch looking for the perfect pumpkin to buy while Mom or Dad are doing their best to catch the perfect pose in the camera! We will provide our children rich memories to share with their friends in their adulthood and their future childern having been taken to the pumpkin patch in their childhood.

What every immigrant parent should know about their children’s school hours: 1) There are “staff developments” days for teachers and so students go home by noon. This means you have to arrange for childcare on these days. 2) Teachers go to various meetings or trainings or workshops. Auniversity professor immigrant Dad had this story. They were caught unprepared when they learned their first grade daughter had a half-day schedule. So what did Daddy do? He brought her to class where he was teaching. (Mom could not have her in the department store.) In between lectures and meetings, he brought her to the bathroom, bought her snacks, gave her borrowed markers and papers, and put her to sleep in class!

In form the teacher about your child: Most Filipino children especially those of nursery age have terms of “endearment.” This is important to know during emergencies. When this friend’s child started screaming “Yubot yayay” (my butt hurts), teachers didn’t know what to do!  They frantically tried to reach her parents, but to no avail. Fortunately, nursery schedules are yet on half-day so, the child did not cry for long. Well, may this “school tips” provide immigrant parents some guidelines – more in the ebook!

Invitation: Do you have stories to tell as “green horns” on life in the USA? Share.

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Sumaguing Cave Exploration: A Survivor’s Story

“Lutie, there is a trekking tour to Sagada, Mt. Province, we will see the rice terraces, this is my dream,” exclaimed my friend, Marina. “That’s my dream, too!” I quipped. Initially, I wanted to decline because it’s close to my birthday, but on second thought, it would be a treat. So on April 27 to May 1, we excitedly joined 27 other trekkers to go to Sagada Adventure Tour in Sagada, Mt. Province led by Joseph Dy of DNA Travel, Inc. We saw Pongas Falls, the Lumiang cave, the limestones, stalactites and stalagmites in Sumaguing cave, hanging coffins in Echo Valley, Sagada weaving shop, and Lake Danum. We watched the sunrise at 5am in Kiltepan Peak. A special sidetrip to Banaue, Ifugao* to see the breathtaking view of rice terraces rendered another check mark to my bucket list. But LO and BEHOLD, the Sumaguing cave exploration eclipsed the rice terraces experience! Here is my story.

The entrance of Lumiang cave enchanted us to see ancient Sagada tradition of burying their loved ones. Coffins were nailed up the walls of the cave’s entrance, just enough to receive the sunlight. A posted sign warned us not to touch or picked up anything lying on the ground to show respect to the long departed loved ones. The Sagadan belief is the higher the coffin, the faster the spirit joins the Creator and in nature. “Are the babies inside shorter coffins and adults in the longer ones?” queried one of us. “Well, before Christianity Sagadans believe since we are born in a fetal position, we will also return to the Creator the same way.  Because of Christianity, this practice stopped,” explained our guide. Quietly, I thought, “Dying and living seem to live side by side and they have deep abiding acceptance that both are realities of life. So, what’s the big deal, folks? Sagadans have it together!”

Finally, it was time to gear ourselves to venture into the cave after seeing the burial coffins. “This is monkey crawl or monkey walk in navigating your way around, over, on the slippery, rough edge of rocks,” demonstrated the guide. He added, “You will pass through some holes to go to the next place.” I tried to figure what could the holes possibly meant! Hhhmmm, I will find out. “Piece of cake, this is going to be fun, out of extra ordinary, something so unique I have never encountered before!” I quietly mused.  “Susmariahusep, purbida, pastillan!” I groaned as my monkey crawl progressed to difficult passageway and realizing the holes were actually two narrow cracks (crevices) in the cave walls up and down some rough rocks, and stepping on slippery limestone formation. Honestly, I had to deal with that fear of falling from cliffs for several hundred moments. The excitement in the air died as all the spelunkers were now on their own maneuverings of rocks. I overheard one said, “Hush, seriosohan na ito!” (This is serious stuff now!)  “Oooppps, these thongs are slippery, go barefoot Lutie Lee if you want to survive!” I warned myself. Having been born with deep arched feet, a runner’s feet so to speak, they were my “saving grace’ because my feet became claws in gripping the rocks as I stepped from one rock to another. Each challenge I defied, I sat in disbelief while I heard some comrades’ remarks of having conquered this climb and that climb. I wished I could give a hearty laughter like the rest, but I couldn’t. I simply kept repeating, “Lutie Lee, what have you gotten yourself into?!”  I am facing my fear of falling from cliffs with no choice but to conquer it! My heart would skip a little comfort each time our guide told us in advance what we would be doing next such as there will be ropes waiting for us to hold on as we climbed or just to hold from wandering to deeper waters.

                                       

Some spelunkers were becoming my friends and would come to cheer me up. Bless their hearts. They bouyed up my spirit and self-esteem because they were proud I passed another challenge. Our climb sometimes would get to be very slick on the white quartz type of rocks and flip flops were not gripping too well, even on barefoot. And just when I thought I landed safely, I slipped. Thankfully, Rhoda quickly rescued me!  I must admit there was a fun part for me – sliding with our butts down on that muddy “smoothie” limestone while guides were waiting to meet us below. By this time we were now used to having our hands gelled with bat poops!  Muffet, coined what we were doing, “buwis-buhay” experience, idiomatically to mean death-defying.

                                 

Just before we approached the third chamber of the cave, passing through tunnel like rocks leading to underground water and surfacing to the surrounding of stalactites and stalagmites formation, Joseph asked if we were up to this last challenge, the climax of Sumaguing cave. Out of 27, eight bravehearts volunteered they were ready to go spelunking with him! I am proud of Trixie, Angelo, Samantha, Jerie, Allan, Kitz, Terence, and Izah; they braved their way to the deepest point of Sumaguing cave! Hallelujah! Congratulations!

                         

I’m Lutie, 64, and very proud to be a Sumaguing cave SURVIVOR!

*Joseph Dy modified the itinerary so that the group can have a sidetrip to Banaue rice terraces making Marina and Lutie’s dream fulfillment to see the rice terraces, a stair casing to heaven. For your next travel tour contact Joseph Dy, DNA Travel, Inc., a great leader and organizer: josephdy888@gmail.com

Prepare Unsuspecting Teens

From the forthcoming eBook:Intercultural Guide for Immigrant Parents and Teens

Dear Tita Lutie,

I am writing on behalf of my friend who is an aspiring actress.  She is a mestiza - dad is American and mom is Filipino. She noticed it was becoming a pattern that talent scouts/agents are always eager to set up a meeting with her during interviews over the phone, but when they meet, they cancel the meeting because an emergency comes up as soon as they sit down for coffee. She always gets disappointed and would like to know if her being a mestiza has anything to do with it.  Do you think the talent scouts/agents are expecting to see a 100% American “breed”?

Curious friend

Dear Curious friend,

Your observation is accurate, unfortunately. The standard beauty still measures up to western looks. Whenever a nonwestern beauty wins in the Miss Universe contest, there are always some protests!  If talent scouts/agents are looking for leading stars, “half-breeds” won’t suffice.  They will be assigned to minor roles in movie scripts.

Tita Lutie

What happened here? This is reality call – society dictates that the ideal Hollywood or TV or model material beauty is still blonde and blue-eyed. Parents (either parent is American or Filipino) of mestiza/zo children, make your children be aware during their formative years of the harsh reality of what the society at-large generally perceives as “beauty”. This can be devastating to some mestizas/zos who have been repeatedly told while growing up that they are stunning beauties fit to be movie stars, but then get rejected later on because of their looks!  Prepare them just before they leave the comfortable confines of home and friends.  However, if you were to live in the Philippines, being a mestiza/zo is elevated to first class citizen!  You are a movie star material.

Bicultural/racial children go through several stages in finding their comfortable places in the society and when they reach such a place, they no longer get devastated being selected against. (More content in the eBook.)

Invitation: Do you have a similar experience?  Share.

Wanted Asian Attendees

Wanted Asian Attendees.

Wanted Asian Attendees

From forthcoming eBook: Intercultural Guide for Immigrant Parents and Teens

Dear Tita Lutie,

Our agency, _________ presents parenting workshops and whenever we have one for the Asian community, no one comes!  This is the hardest population to penetrate in our work. It’s very disappointing and puzzling after all the trouble we do for preparations.  I know the reluctance to particpate might have something to do with the shame-oriented culture of Asians. Do you have tips on how to encourage them to come?

Agency director seeking advice

Dear Agency director seeking advice,

You are on target – the culprit is our shame-oriented culture.  Social agencies are not culturally sensitive enough to know how and where to host parenting training programs.  The more public, the lesser folks will come. Location, location, location, don’t underestimate this one important factor.

Tita Lutie

What happened here? Because of the Asians’ shame-oriented culture, pride runs high of being exposed!  We do not go for one-on-one talks with total strangers. There must be an aura of intimacy first where participants feel comfortable in order for them to open up.  So, if you hold your workshops in convention centers, social halls in community centers, borrowed sites in schools, I guarantee that you will seldom see Asian participation. You will be more successful if the planned event is in partnership with an Asian association in the community where participants are encouraged by a respected person and they know they will be with familiar company. Holding workshops in small churches/parishes well-known in the community would be a nonthreatening location for participants.  Better still, personally invite the pastor/priest of the church/parish. This would certainly be a plus to participants.

Invitation: Do you have a story why you would hesitate to come to such parenting workshops?  Share.

Play Dates

From the forthcoming eBook: Intercultural Guide for Immigrant Parents and Teens

Dear Tita Lutie,

Imagine our shock to hear a message in our answering machine from a parent of our daughter’s kindergarten classmate asking us if their son can invite our daughter for a “play date” on Saturday at their house?  Isn’t this a crazy invitation?  We don’t know them personally – do you think we will send our precious daughter to someone’s house we do not know? We didn’t know what to do.

Shocked parents

Dear Shocked parents,

Within the context of American culture, this is perfectly an acceptable invitation. You are free to decline however, and they will not take any offense.  They are far from being crazy. Among young children, it’s called play date. This means no more than anything else as socialization or friendship for their children. For us, Filipino parents, dating belongs later in life, not when you are only five years old!  Also, American parents don’t think dates among adults immediately lead to marriage as we Filipinos do.

What happened here? Dating, American style stresses socialization and friendship among peers.  American parents have been oriented that children must gradually be socialized with their own peers to develop social skills and they do this through play dates.  This means that one parent asks the parent of their son’s/daughter’s classmate if he or she could invite their child to play with their own at their house.  It is seen as a socialization stage, nothing more.  Filipino parents on the other hand do not introduce their young children to play dates or dating this early.  There are usually enough children in the clan or within the Filipino circle of friends for their children to get socialized.  Unknowingly, Filipino parents get their children socialized during any gatherings since their children are expected to go with their parents.* So, getting this kind of message of inviting your five year old for a date from a total stranger is inconceivable!  This parent was on uncharted waters.  To Filipinos, dating most likely leads to a marriage proposal or pregnancy!  For as long as we live in the USA, our children will get “play date” invitations and they will experience having a boyfriend/girlfriend in their teens.  Welcome to the club, folks.

*another interesting Filipino peculiarity – Filipino parties almost always include all members of the family (children, grandparents, grandchildren, and sometimes close friends of those invited.) Want to know why? Explanation in the coming eBook!

Invitation: What will you do or what did you do if/when you received a “play date” invitation for your child?  Do you have a similar experience with this parent?  Share.

Play Dates

From the forthcoming eBook: Intercultural Guide for Immigrant Parents and Teens

Dear Tita Lutie,

Imagine our shock to hear a message in our answering machine from a parent of our daughter’s kindergarten classmate asking us if their son can invite our daughter for a “play date” on Saturday at their house?  Isn’t this a crazy invitation?  We don’t know them personally – do you think we will send our precious daughter to someone’s house we do not know? We didn’t know what to do.

Shocked parents

Dear Shocked parents,

Within the context of American culture, this is perfectly an acceptable invitation. You are free to decline however, and they will not take any offense.  They are far from being crazy. Among young children, it’s called play date. This means no more than anything else as socialization or friendship for their children. For us, Filipino parents, dating belongs later in life, not when you are only five years old!  Also, American parents don’t think dates among adults immediately lead to marriage as we Filipinos do.

What happened here? Dating, American style stresses socialization and friendship among peers.  American parents have been oriented that children must gradually be socialized with their own peers to develop social skills and they do this through play dates.  This means that one parent asks the parent of their son’s/daughter’s classmate if he or she could invite their child to play with their own at their house.  It is seen as a socialization stage, nothing more.  Filipino parents on the other hand do not introduce their young children to play dates or dating this early.  There are usually enough children in the clan or within the Filipino circle of friends for their children to get socialized.  Unknowingly, Filipino parents get their children socialized during any gatherings since their children are expected to go with their parents.* So, getting this kind of message of inviting your five year old for a date from a total stranger is inconceivable!  This parent was on uncharted waters.  To Filipinos, dating most likely leads to a marriage proposal or pregnancy!  For as long as we live in the USA, our children will get “play date” invitations and they will experience having a boyfriend/girlfriend in their teens.  Welcome to the club, folks.

*another interesting Filipino peculiarity – Filipino parties almost always include all members of the family (children, grandparents, grandchildren, and sometimes close friends of those invited.) Want to know why? Explanation in the coming eBook!

Invitation: What will you do or what did you do if/when you received a “play date” invitation for your child?  Do you have a similar experience with this parent?  Share.

Play Dates

From the forthcoming eBook: Intercultural Guide for Immigrant Parents and Teens

Dear Tita Lutie,

Imagine our shock to hear a message in our answering machine from a parent of our daughter’s kindergarten classmate asking us if their son can invite our daughter for a “play date” on Saturday at their house?  Isn’t this a crazy invitation?  We don’t know them personally – do you think we will send our precious daughter to someone’s house we do not know? We didn’t know what to do.

Shocked parents

Dear Shocked parents,

Within the context of American culture, this is perfectly an acceptable invitation. You are free to decline however, and they will not take any offense.  They are far from being crazy. Among young children, it’s called play date. This means no more than anything else as socialization or friendship for their children. For us, Filipino parents, dating belongs later in life, not when you are only five years old!  Also, American parents don’t think dates among adults immediately lead to marriage as we Filipinos do.

What happened here? Dating, American style stresses socialization and friendship among peers.  American parents have been oriented that children must gradually be socialized with their own peers to develop social skills and they do this through play dates.  This means that one parent asks the parent of their son’s/daughter’s classmate if he or she could invite their child to play with their own at their house.  It is seen as a socialization stage, nothing more.  Filipino parents on the other hand do not introduce their young children to play dates or dating this early.  There are usually enough children in the clan or within the Filipino circle of friends for their children to get socialized.  Unknowingly, Filipino parents get their children socialized during any gatherings since their children are expected to go with their parents.* So, getting this kind of message of inviting your five year old for a date from a total stranger is inconceivable!  This parent was on uncharted waters.  To Filipinos, dating most likely leads to a marriage proposal or pregnancy!  For as long as we live in the USA, our children will get “play date” invitations and they will experience having a boyfriend/girlfriend in their teens.  Welcome to the club, folks.

*another interesting Filipino peculiarity – Filipino parties almost always include all members of the family (children, grandparents, grandchildren, and sometimes close friends of those invited.) Want to know why? Explanation in the coming eBook!

Invitation: What will you do or what did you do if/when you received a “play date” invitation for your child?  Do you have a similar experience with this parent?  Share.

Play Dates

From the forthcoming eBook: Intercultural Guide for Immigrant Parents and Teens

Dear Tita Lutie,

Imagine our shock to hear a message in our answering machine from a parent of our daughter’s kindergarten classmate asking us if their son can invite our daughter for a “play date” on Saturday at their house?  Isn’t this a crazy invitation?  We don’t know them personally – do you think we will send our precious daughter to someone’s house we do not know? We didn’t know what to do.

Shocked parents

Dear Shocked parents,

Within the context of American culture, this is perfectly an acceptable invitation. You are free to decline however, and they will not take any offense.  They are far from being crazy. Among young children, it’s called play date. This means no more than anything else as socialization or friendship for their children. For us, Filipino parents, dating belongs later in life, not when you are only five years old!  Also, American parents don’t think dates among adults immediately lead to marriage as we Filipinos do.

What happened here? Dating, American style stresses socialization and friendship among peers.  American parents have been oriented that children must gradually be socialized with their own peers to develop social skills and they do this through play dates.  This means that one parent asks the parent of their son’s/daughter’s classmate if he or she could invite their child to play with their own at their house.  It is seen as a socialization stage, nothing more.  Filipino parents on the other hand do not introduce their young children to play dates or dating this early.  There are usually enough children in the clan or within the Filipino circle of friends for their children to get socialized.  Unknowingly, Filipino parents get their children socialized during any gatherings since their children are expected to go with their parents.* So, getting this kind of message of inviting your five year old for a date from a total stranger is inconceivable!  This parent was on uncharted waters.  To Filipinos, dating most likely leads to a marriage proposal or pregnancy!  For as long as we live in the USA, our children will get “play date” invitations and they will experience having a boyfriend/girlfriend in their teens.  Welcome to the club, folks.

*another interesting Filipino peculiarity – Filipino parties almost always include all members of the family (children, grandparents, grandchildren, and sometimes close friends of those invited.) Want to know why? Explanation in the coming eBook!

Invitation: What will you do or what did you do if/when you received a “play date” invitation for your child?  Do you have a similar experience with this parent?  Share.

Play Dates

From the forthcoming eBook: Intercultural Guide for Immigrant Parents and Teens

Dear Tita Lutie,

Imagine our shock to hear a message in our answering machine from a parent of our daughter’s kindergarten classmate asking us if their son can invite our daughter for a “play date” on Saturday at their house?  Isn’t this a crazy invitation?  We don’t know them personally – do you think we will send our precious daughter to someone’s house we do not know? We didn’t know what to do.

Shocked parents

Dear Shocked parents,

Within the context of American culture, this is perfectly an acceptable invitation. You are free to decline however, and they will not take any offense.  They are far from being crazy. Among young children, it’s called play date. This means no more than anything else as socialization or friendship for their children. For us, Filipino parents, dating belongs later in life, not when you are only five years old!  Also, American parents don’t think dates among adults immediately lead to marriage as we Filipinos do.

What happened here? Dating, American style stresses socialization and friendship among peers.  American parents have been oriented that children must gradually be socialized with their own peers to develop social skills and they do this through play dates.  This means that one parent asks the parent of their son’s/daughter’s classmate if he or she could invite their child to play with their own at their house.  It is seen as a socialization stage, nothing more.  Filipino parents on the other hand do not introduce their young children to play dates or dating this early.  There are usually enough children in the clan or within the Filipino circle of friends for their children to get socialized.  Unknowingly, Filipino parents get their children socialized during any gatherings since their children are expected to go with their parents.* So, getting this kind of message of inviting your five year old for a date from a total stranger is inconceivable!  This parent was on uncharted waters.  To Filipinos, dating most likely leads to a marriage proposal or pregnancy!  For as long as we live in the USA, our children will get “play date” invitations and they will experience having a boyfriend/girlfriend in their teens.  Welcome to the club, folks.

*another interesting Filipino peculiarity – Filipino parties almost always include all members of the family (children, grandparents, grandchildren, and sometimes close friends of those invited.) Want to know why? Explanation in the coming eBook!

Invitation: What will you do or what did you do if/when you received a “play date” invitation for your child?  Do you have a similar experience with this parent?  Share.